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In that order.
Why in that order???
I'll tell you why.
Being a victim of abused myself, I understand that it is and can be a cycle if it goes unaddressed. (I can only speak from experience.)
People who abuse quite often have been #abused. But, here is the problem, those secrets live in dark spaces and can make one dark mentally, physically and/or can carry a dark ambience.
Have you ever heard the saying, "What is in the dark, comes to light?" It doesn't matter how it comes to light, just know that it's coming!
In regards to whether you expose it or it's exposing you, this is where one comes to the understanding of becoming the abuser or a cycle killer.
Many times, those who don't address the trauma become traumatized or abusive towards the next individual that comes along. The saying, "Misery loves company," happens to be a factual statement to me. It doesn't matter if they are sexually abused, verbally abused or physically abused it will resurface whether one likes it or not.
I feel that it is very important for one to free themselves and not be #shameful no matter what another may say to you about your past experience(s). You have to live with that and not others. It is also a crime to let the victimizers off the hook. Shifting the weight from you to them is the heaviest burden one can lift off their own shoulders.
Let me be the one to tell it!
I had to live with it until I said, "Why protect someone who didn't protect me?" I had that really bad. A lot of it was fear and the other side was protective #shame.
Placing the trauma and hurt back into the ethos helps one free themselves from internal rage, depression, generational curses, and more #abuse amongst the ones we claim we love.
Understanding and forgiveness is a big deal and can be a deal breaker when it comes down to true healing.
What we are doing here is getting to the bottom of 'Why are we... and What we should...'
I was sexually abused and you wouldn't believe by whom...
I struggled for many years of my life. The whole time I was #ASHAMED because I felt like it was my fault (like many of us do) but little did I know that they were probably abused by their parents or simply generational slave owner's disgust. Chile.. it goes deep.
I was molested by my mother's boyfriend and my own father all because of the protector's own #shame to expose the lover. Let's be clear, this is very common. I hear this all the time from those who have been let down by the parent in charge.
I know it's pretty egregious but I am strong about it now. I was terrified to speak about it and even more terrified to get them in trouble. Later on in life, I found the importance of the power of having a healthy relationship between parent and child in order to maintain an open channel for communication. Back in the days you were fairly forbidden to speak our minds which (I believe) promoted lack of confidence in a child or total resentment. Once again this is old school trauma from their parents or guardians. And of course, you don't want to promote a disrespectful child but you do want to make sure you create an open dialect with your children confidently allowing them to speak their minds and their truth. Fear can cause a child naturally to recluse from the parents which will eventually cause them to not freely open up about their issues in life. There is a thin line when it comes to disrespect and healthy discussions within parent/children conversations. You can either create fear or confidence. Once again, we have to look at our parent's up bringing also. Cycles are the butt kickers but we have to address them and kill the harmful cycles. This is where abuse from others come into place and shame of exposing their wrong doings. Lack of exposure can definitely bring forth more abuse from them or others because of #shame.
~The ways it affected me as I suppressed it.~
I fought demons in my sleep because I felt like I could handle it in reality. But where is reality? Here or there? Even though people seen a happy and optimistic young lady, those spirits were hunting me on a whole different level in which I couldn't run or hide. I had to deal with it in nightmares and in high places. That was 'my' truest reality. It took me quite some time to address it, but for some others it took them much longer. I know some who deal with this heavily well into their elder years and it has worn them down. Not only has the experience worn them down but they are extremely abusive to others themselves and care less to address their own past traumas.
I wasn't open with my mother and very afraid to some extent because she had five kids to raise and it wasn't easy. She developed an iron fist as we got older being a single, black, hard working mother who lost her mother at age 3, who was also abused by 'her' lover. (Granted, she was tired of the men who were abused, and, have abused her.) I get it and understand but it caused a heavy amount of fear growing up living under her own trauma. The fear caused me to not have an open conversation with her about my issues at hand. I felt she wouldn't believe me because of other incidents within the same household. My only outcome was to run away from the home when I thought I found some kind of sanctuary; only to run in the hands of another beast... my own father. I felt like I was living a night mare daily. Something about me didn't give up. I felt like as long as I had feet I could run. But running didn't heal me. At one point, I discussed my issues to my family about the first molester. It took a whole lot of me to do it but I did it. But I felt even more intimidated to talk about the father. Even though I was 3,000 miles away from him, I still felt subjugated.
In my dreams it showed that I was the brave one amongst many women who were in fear.
This was where the rubber hit the road of which way to go; in my case, I wasn't going to become what they wanted me to become so I began exposing all dirty secrets for the sake of my mental wellbeing, offsprings and killing the cycle of possible generational damage. My whole purpose was to not be #ashamed anymore just so I don't become the abuser. Many years passed afterwards, I vowed to help others do the same.
Years prior, I decided to start breaking my story to the unfamiliar. I thought I could trust the one I gave myself to. I got a drink and begun spilling the tea. It was the longest moment I ever lived in my life. It was the father of my 3 babies, at that time he was my boyfriend. Only to find out that I was feeding the fiery pits of hell fuel to abuse me more. The thing that helped me understand things differently was when I asked a friend, "Why me? What did I do wrong?" Her response was, "Why not you and you don't have to do wrong to learn something bigger than you?" I was like...😧. That was after I begin to think about the whole entirety of things. What were they spiritually trying to do to me and others? I begun coming to grasp that it was bigger than me. It made sense why this whole cycle didn't break me entirely.
(Mind you, I wasn't the only one they did this to and probably wasn't the last, unfortunately.)
My longest relationship ever was the worse and greatest healer of it all. I personally thanked him because no one would have done it that way. Hell...I didn't even need therapy because of him. All because I knew I was better than what he was trying to make me and it gave me the will power to see things differently. He was a step down and a step up at the same time. He brought me to my lowest with all my hurt and pain of sexual trauma and telling me no one loved me. Many years later, I begun to recognized what he was up to on many spiritual levels. This is where #mindfulness, growth and forgiveness came into play.
Everyone in life plays a part, you just have to be aware of it. We are the missing pieces to each other's puzzle of life and you have to pull out the best card out of each hand that is dealt to us. This is how we begin to stop the cycle of #abuse. He was abused also. So I got it but I said. "Not my children!" The whole purpose was to kill my cycle and not take on other's cycles, and not raising kids in something that was never apart of my issues. If you hold dirty you can become dirty, too! You can abuse others and deflect your situation onto them. This is why any kind of therapy is helpful, even the worst kind as long as you recognize it as self fixtures, if not, it becomes more drama for trauma.
I spent the last 19 years of my life in misery, shame, guilt, and pain and one day I said, "No more." I have kids to live for. I even felt suicidal because of the last 13 years living with the enemy, but I didn't know his spiritual purpose was to help me self heal.
Even though you may feel like you have over came all traumas of your experiences, guess again, because more trauma can approach you via someone you let in your life that is or becomes close to you. This is where we must maintain #mindfulness at all cost. Red flags matter and not just with lovers.
I thought about all those who hurt me and I've tried to understand why. I combed through myself and didn't see any reason for repercussion after using years of consideration and useful wisdom to better myself. I came to an understanding of #karmicties and #karmiclessons. I also begun to considered their past experiences with possible #abuse and them not realizing their own generational traumas. Even with careful explanations, not all are willing to address it no matter how old they may be. Many times abusers are #ashamed and do not know how to release it from their lives, thus, causing a continuance of generational trauma amongst their loved ones. I'm not perfect but the things that has happened to me, I would never reinact in my forward or past life not even on any enemies.
Shame can convert into depression; depression can convert into abuse; abuse can convert into long term trauma and generational damage time after time, until it is stopped. The way I have learned to kill the cycle is by exposing all hurt which causes all energies to shift back onto them leaving 'them' shameful and exposed.
Learning that it is truly not your fault (sometimes not the perpetrator's fault) and knowing that it's not your trauma will help relieve mental anguish for generations to come.
When you let it go, watch how free you feel. Just know that it has been released back to those who put it on you and watch how the ball rolls from here on out. One thing I also learned and noticed is when you kill your trauma someone's trauma will try to come and over take you are your children so be aware of their spiritual battles and overcome it all with #mindfulness.
What are your thoughts?
Best wishes to all and I hope this help another to move forward mentally because it is time to truly heal. Peace and blessings.
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